I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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