So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I FOUND THE LEGS
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
