just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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