you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
