I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Someone came in the potted fern
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
