I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
