i wish peter jackson would direct porn
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
