this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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