did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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