Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
