This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When are your genitals available?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
