Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
