It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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