Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
