i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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