I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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