I wannas sexs uuuuu
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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