How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
