I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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I stole a fireplace last night.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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