I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
