I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize