he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
