is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
