Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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