I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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