i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
