I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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