Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
