What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
