White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
