Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize