I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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