Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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