I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
