goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
