not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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