it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
