I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
