check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
