I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
