I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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