My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
