i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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