I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
