Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
