i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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