I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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