We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
