dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
