drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
