he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
