she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
