people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
