Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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