Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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