Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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