yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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