why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
