I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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