we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
