remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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