Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
