Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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