i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
