Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I want is dick and wine.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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