To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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