i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
