She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
