I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
