if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
