He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
