also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
