I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
