i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
