My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
