he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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