I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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