omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
