My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
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My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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