as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
