I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Randomize
