He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
