You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
