She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
