if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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